an ode to sears

I’ve been drafting angry letters to Sears in the middle of the night when I’m up nursing the baby. I’ll say this and then that and something else and something else and then.. the topper. I’ll threaten to talk dirt about Sears on my widely read, very high-profile, super powerful BLOG. That will scare them silly. Their entire profit margin will flash before they eyes just thinking about Jenoa Briar-Bonpane’s blog exposing their dirty laundry along with her own…

Haven’t written the letter on paper yet but here’s a little ditty that made me feel better.

AN ODE TO SEARS

Though my warranty is paid, the bed cannot be made –

for the sheets have joined our dirty laundry parade.

From piles they formed heaps and then mountains – with sheep,

The only thing dirtier are the clothes in which I sleep.

Sears has left us out here, turned it’s head to avert those corporate eyes

The repairman won’t come, despite offers of pies.

Week after week until six have now passed,

I tell them first sweetly then firmly with sass,

the diapers are skunky and my pants are too.

they should pay us a visit, it’s not like we live in Corfu.

It’s farther than some but not as far as could be,

A nice drive, I tell them, plus you’ll get to see me.

Kuntrywife with the kids and the laundry and dishes,

just out here throwing pennies in a sink full of Sears focused wishes.

“Maybe next week says dispatch,” then “maam” to be nice,

don’t maam me, i think but then beg him again twice –

to come see this washer and the family that feeds it,

to come see these socks and these jammies that sit.

The laundromat’s fun when your 28 and childless –

not such a blast when there’s two and your my age.

An hour and a half we commute with the backlog,

the sweatshirts with mud and the turtlenecks with eggnog.

I’m spoiled – I know it as this ode will show

to be honest the stink is not the thing that has to go.

It’s the but it’s my turn-ness –

the waiting in earnest

for the warranty that i bought

so responsibly fraught

with high hopes for a machine that would spin

So, perhaps writing this ODE opened a channel that was stagnant because just this morning, the Sears serviceman came. It was touch and go with last minute calls claiming UPS hadn’t come and the washer was old, then too new, then too far…. but he came here. He did. And we gave him a hero’s welcome.

He plunged his experienced hand into the rubber “boot” that seals around the door. His brow scrunched severely as he said, “you have to really check you pockets cuz nails and things can really mess these things up.” Oh yeah, I said, of course. Then he pulled out a sock hanger – you know those black plastic devices that hang socks on store racks??? Yes, he pulled that out of the “boot” and proclaimed – “this is your problem, right here.” I guess for good measure he swept around some more and produced 3 nails, one screw, a dollar thirty in change, two barrettes and a watch. “Wow, this watch is still working!” he said and we marveled together. Maybe my next ode will be to Timex – they really DO take a licking (and speed spinning) and keep on ticking.

But that wasn’t it… there were more problems. He was shocked and dismayed and vowed to return in a week or a few days. But not before telling me about his drug past, legal run-ins, relationship history, christian conversion, divorces, family estrangement, suicidality, new girlfriend, her drug history, mental health issues, treatment status, and christmas plans. He also told me how grateful he was that he’d been able to change his life after so many hard knocks. I wanted to hug him when he left – I was so touched by his deep concern for my washer and thoughtful attention to it’s needs. Don’t tell Sears, but he’s throwing in new “boot” for free. Sears doesn’t like that, he mentioned.

The clothes are still running around wild but I’m satisfied. I had my visit with the repairman and I know he’ll be back.